Reflections on Age, Milestones, and Expectations
Birthdays can bring mixed feelings. For some, they’re about celebration — cake, candles, and time with the people we love. For others, they arrive with quieter questions: Am I where I thought I’d be by now? Have I done enough? Where’s it all going?
The Weight of Expectations
From childhood onwards, we’re fed a script of what life “should” look like by certain ages — career progress, relationships, family milestones, even health and appearance. These expectations aren’t neutral. They carry cultural, social, and personal weight, and when our lives don’t align neatly, it can feel like failure. Why haven’t you got your own house, had a child, you’re not married yet? All questions which are asked, but the response and reason is always very individual.
Life rarely moves in straight lines. Many of us find ourselves carrying roles, responsibilities, or unexpected detours that don’t fit the standard timeline. And that doesn’t mean we’re behind. It just means we’re human.
I know my birthdays haven’t correlated to the usual expectations of again, then again my life isn’t like everyone else’s!
There’a lot of external generalisations and where you should be, the truth is, there’s no hard and fast rules, you’re an individual.
Family and Milestones
Families often mark birthdays and anniversaries in ways that highlight these expectations even more. For some, these celebrations feel grounding and affirming. For others, they can be reminders of loss, difference, or distance.
Sometimes the family script simply doesn’t fit. And that dissonance — between how things “should” look and how they actually feel — often shows up most clearly around milestones.
Self vs Society
Birthdays are like mirrors. They reflect back both joy and grief, satisfaction and longing. They remind us of time passed and time ahead. And while society often asks “What have you achieved?”, perhaps the more useful question is “What matters most to me now?”
Just pause for a moment and think about this, what do you think when you think, 16, 18, 21, 30, 40, 50… we already have a bar set for ourselves, but whose measurement is important?
Therapy as a Space for Reflection
Milestones can stir up strong emotions — grief, comparison, or simply a sense of being lost. Therapy offers a space to explore those feelings without judgment, to step outside of “shoulds” and reconnect with what feels true.
Sometimes the most powerful shift is moving from “Where should I be?” to “Where do I want to go from here?”
Birthdays are not verdicts.
They’re pauses. A chance to look back with honesty, to notice the present, and to look ahead with curiosity.
Where’s it all going? Maybe the answer isn’t fixed. Maybe it unfolds — one year, one choice, one breath at a time.
Focusing on just this moment is great, too much focus on the past can be depressive, and too much on the future, anxiety provoking! Enjoy the Now and be You!
