Understanding Online Sexual Exploitation
Internet can feel like it’s an extension of your own skin…
There are moments when the internet feels like an extension of our own skin — the warmth of a message, the spark of being seen. We share, connect, and sometimes trust more quickly than we expect. But for a growing number of people, that trust has been weaponised. What starts as flirtation or connection can turn into coercion in seconds.
Sextortion — or sexual extortion — is one of the fastest-rising online crimes. It happens when someone is manipulated into sharing intimate images or videos and then blackmailed: Pay or we’ll share them. It sounds calculated because it is. Behind the screen is rarely a person looking for love or curiosity — it’s often organised crime, running scams at scale. And yet the person on the receiving end feels the full, crushing weight of shame, fear, and exposure.
At a glance
- The online world can offer connection — but it can also expose deep vulnerabilities.
- When intimacy is misused or exploited, the impact often extends beyond the screen into trust, safety, and self-worth.
- Shame and silence keep people trapped; speaking it aloud begins the healing process.
- Therapy offers space to reclaim your story, restore boundaries, and rebuild confidence without judgement.
- You’re not defined by what happened — you’re defined by how you begin to heal.
- If this has happened to you, support is available through the Revenge Porn Helpline or Victim Support.
When the screen turns against you
For many, the first feeling isn’t anger but disbelief. A moment ago, it felt safe — a normal, private exchange between two people. Then the tone changes. Suddenly the other person holds power, and every instinct screams to hide, delete, or fix it fast. Some pay. Some freeze. Some panic and spiral into self-blame.
What makes sextortion particularly cruel is how personal it feels. Even though the scammer might be one of hundreds messaging strangers that day, the victim experiences it as deeply intimate betrayal. It strikes at the most private parts of who we are — sexuality, safety, and trust.
People targeted often say, “I was so stupid.” But the truth is this: sextortion isn’t about intelligence. It’s about exploitation. Scammers understand human psychology — the need to be seen, desired, validated. They mirror, flatter, and build trust quickly. When they turn that trust against you, it’s devastating precisely because you were open, not because you were foolish.
The silence that follows
Shame is the silencer. It convinces people to stay quiet, to try to delete evidence, to hope it disappears. Some even fear seeking help because they believe they’ll be judged — by friends, by family, even by professionals.
For young people in particular, that shame can be lethal. In recent BBC investigations, families have spoken of teenagers taking their own lives within hours of being blackmailed. The fear and humiliation become unbearable. Yet this silence isn’t limited to teenagers. Adults experience it too — professionals, parents, anyone who once trusted the wrong profile.
Shame isolates. It whispers, “You can’t tell anyone.”
Therapy, at its best, interrupts that whisper.
What therapy can hold
When you’ve been targeted, the mind can swing between panic and numbness. Therapy offers a space to slow that rhythm — to speak what happened without fear of it being screenshotted, mocked, or minimised.
In therapy, we can begin to name what’s really happened: coercion, violation, manipulation — not stupidity. We explore the ripple effects: anxiety when notifications ping, tension in the body, mistrust of intimacy, guilt for something you didn’t cause.
For some, therapy becomes a place to rebuild boundaries and digital confidence — learning to separate their online selves from the trauma of what happened. For others, it’s simply a safe space to cry, rage, or finally breathe again.
There’s no timeline for healing. What matters most is containment: knowing the experience can be spoken, safely, without it spilling into further harm.
Understanding the tactics
Sextortion follows patterns, though each experience feels painfully unique. It often begins with an unsolicited message from someone attractive or apparently interested. The conversation turns flirtatious; the other person may send explicit images first to create reciprocity. Once trust is built and the victim shares their own image, the threat begins — send money or everyone will see this.
The scammers may provide screenshots of friends or family, proving they’ve researched you. They may threaten to release images immediately. What’s key to understand is that these tactics are designed to trigger panic, not logic. The goal is to force compliance before the person can think clearly or seek help.
Knowing this — even after the fact — can help reduce self-blame. These are orchestrated psychological traps. They prey on human need and use fear as currency.
If this has happened to you
You are not alone, and there are ways to take back control.
If you’re under 18, or the images involve someone who is, the Internet Watch Foundation has a confidential Report Remove tool that can permanently delete and fingerprint intimate images so they can’t be re-uploaded. In the UK, this service is also offered through Childline, where you can also speak to a counsellor.
If you’re an adult, the National Crime Agency, Action Fraud, or your local police can offer advice and support. The charity Revenge Porn Helpline also supports adults experiencing image-based abuse, whether the threat was carried out or not.
Most importantly — don’t pay. Paying rarely stops the threats; it often encourages more. Save evidence, block the account, and seek professional or emotional support as soon as possible.
And if you’re already in therapy, tell your therapist. We’re trained to hold these situations without judgement. The shame you feel isn’t yours to carry alone.
Reclaiming your story
What’s often lost in the headlines is that victims of sextortion aren’t defined by what happened. Many are resilient, resourceful people who simply wanted connection. Therapy can help shift the narrative from “I was exposed” to “I survived.” It’s not about erasing the past, but reclaiming autonomy in the present.
Over time, clients describe feeling reconnected — not to the online world necessarily, but to themselves. They learn to re-trust their instincts, to see vulnerability not as weakness but as humanity.
In the end, sextortion is not a story about technology. It’s a story about power — who takes it, who loses it, and how we reclaim it.
Exploitation feeds on silence. But silence isn’t protection — it’s paralysis. Speaking it aloud, even once, begins to break the hold.
Shame is something which is used to manipulate us in these situations, but the one thing which destroys shame is openness and shining a light on it.
Why Safe Spaces exists
As an online practice, Safe Spaces Therapy recognises that the internet is both a bridge and a battlefield. Connection can heal, but it can also harm. My role is to hold that paradox — to offer a confidential, non-judgemental space for people affected by digital exploitation to be seen as whole, not broken.
If you’ve experienced sextortion, image-based abuse, or any form of sexual coercion online, you don’t have to face it in silence. Therapy can’t undo what’s happened, but it can help you carry it differently.
Because being human online shouldn’t cost your sense of safety — or your life.
