System Failure

Some people come to therapy already expecting to be let down. Not because they’re negative. Not because they don’t want help. But because they’ve been here before.

They have reached out, trusted, opened up, explained themselves, complied, and still—

• They were dismissed.
• Or misunderstood.
• Or pathologised.
• Or abandoned halfway through the process.
• Or told they were “too complex.”
• Or “not in crisis enough.”
• Or “not engaging properly.”
• Or “we don’t cover that here.”

For some, it was the NHS or crisis teams. For others, it was school, university welfare, workplace mental health, or social care. For some, it was a therapist or counsellor who seemed safe — then disappeared without explanation.

I’ve worked with people who disclosed something deeply personal — like HIV status — and then they’ve been ghosted by their new therapist. Not because of the client. Because the therapist didn’t know how to hold what they heard.

If that happened to you, It was not your fault. And it was not about your worth. It was a system failure — not a personal one.

What System Failure Teaches the Body

When support has hurt before, the nervous system learns:

• Speak carefully.
• Don’t show too much.
• Stay half-present until the space proves itself.
• Stay prepared to lose the support at any moment.

This is not avoidance. This is self-protection. Some people offer only part of their story at first. Not to hide — but to see how their truth is handled.

I understand that. I’ve done it myself. When I was choosing a therapist, I didn’t hand everything over in the first session. I gave an edited highlight reel and watched their reaction. It took time to see who could meet me properly. That wasn’t reluctance — that was care.

So when someone sits in therapy with one foot still in the doorway, I don’t interpret that as resistance. I interpret it as wisdom.

How System Failure Shows Up in Therapy

If you’ve been let down before, you might notice:

• hesitation to trust the process
• waiting for the therapist to “switch”
• expecting to be judged or corrected
• keeping your emotions controlled to not be “too much”
• staying alert for signs of withdrawal or inconsistency
• difficulty believing the support will continue

These are not problems to fix. They are conditions the space needs to respect.

How Safe Spaces Works Differently

We’re not better-than, not superior, not heroic. Just clear. Consistent. Human.

• We move at your pace.
• You’re not expected to hand over your whole story at once.
• I don’t treat survival strategies as pathology.
• You don’t need to perform progress.
• There is no punishment for finding things difficult.
• I don’t disappear mid-process.
• If something needs to change, we talk about it together.

You don’t have to trust the space on day one. Trust is something that’s built quietly, session-to-session, in the way we speak, pause, reflect, and return.

This Is Not a Promise to Never Get Anything Wrong

Therapy is a human relationship. It will have misunderstandings, pauses, and adjustments.

The difference is:

If something feels off, we talk about it — we don’t vanish.

Containment means:

• continuity
• clarity
• and endings that are acknowledged, not silent.

This is where repair becomes possible.

If You’ve Been Let Down Before

You are not difficult. You are not dramatic. You are not “too much.” You were shaped by the support you did or didn’t receive. Your hesitation makes sense. Your caution makes sense. Your testing makes sense. You get to arrive here as you are. And we start from there.

A new Beginning

You don’t need to trust me immediately. You don’t need to believe this space is different yet. You just need to know that your story is welcome here — even the part that says:

“I don’t know if I can do this again.”

We go slowly. We go steadily. And we go together — at your pace.

If you’re here because you’re thinking about reaching out: You can take your time. You don’t have to explain everything at once. You arrive as you are — even cautiously.