Why good therapy is a two-way conversation
Therapy Isn’t a One-Way Street
Therapy is a relationship, not a monologue. It only works when both people are in it with honesty, safety, and mutual respect.
Clients are rightly told they can bring concerns, name discomfort, or say when something doesn’t feel right. But what’s often less discussed is the reverse — when the therapist has feedback too.
Sometimes therapists hold back to avoid retraumatising or causing shame. Yet silence can also stall the work. The kindest thing we can sometimes do is be truthful — not harsh, not defensive, but real. When handled with care, that feedback becomes part of the therapy itself, not a detour from it.
Not All Feedback Is an Attack
If the word “feedback” makes your stomach tighten, that’s understandable. For many of us, feedback has meant criticism, rejection, or disappointment.
In therapy, feedback should never echo those old wounds. But it may still sting — because it reveals something we’ve been avoiding or naming aloud for the first time.
When your therapist says, “I notice when I name boundaries, you smile but then move away — what’s happening there?” it’s not an accusation. It’s an invitation.
When Feedback Becomes a Two-Way Mirror
You might come ready to say, “You talk too much,” or “I don’t feel fully seen.” A good therapist will listen. But sometimes, the therapist might also say, “I notice you often keep one foot out the door — and I wonder if that’s happening here too.”
That can feel exposing or even unfair, especially if you’re used to the therapist only offering warmth. But this is where the real work deepens. It’s not about who’s right. It’s about whether both people can stay in the room when something real arrives.
Feedback isn’t about winning. It’s about staying
I’ll let you into a secret a therapist isn’t psychic, the only way we learn things is by being told, or by asking questions, and feedback I always find is healthy and beneficial. For more information on feedback have a look at Johari’s Window
The Rupture That Teaches You Something
Not every rupture means something has gone wrong. Sometimes it’s the moment things finally get real. When a therapist offers feedback — especially when it touches discomfort — it’s not to shame or correct. It’s to name what’s unspoken.
That flash of tension might be the hinge everything turns on. Not because anyone “wins,” but because something honest has entered the space. Handled with care, that’s where therapy moves from polite to powerful.
The Therapist’s Voice Is Still Human
Therapists aren’t blank slates. They notice, feel, and respond. Feedback can be part of showing how to navigate difference without blame.
“I’m noticing I feel a bit shut out lately — I wonder if that’s happening elsewhere in your life?” isn’t criticism. It’s modelling. It shows how to share truth with care, how to sit in discomfort without retreating.
That’s part of the learning — not just being seen, but learning to see yourself and the relationship more clearly.
And Sometimes… You Might Not Like It
That’s okay. You don’t have to agree with every piece of feedback your therapist offers. But if something hits a nerve, it’s worth exploring why.
Was it untrue — or uncomfortably close to true? It’s natural to want to retreat, or even leave. But sometimes the best thing you can do is name that discomfort instead: “I didn’t like that comment — it felt sharp.”
That’s how rupture turns into repair — by keeping the conversation human.
Let Feedback Be a Bridge
When a therapist speaks honestly, it isn’t to take control. It’s to keep the space alive. When a client speaks honestly, it isn’t to attack. It’s to test whether the space is safe.
If both can hold that tension together, the work becomes real.
At Safe Spaces Therapy Online, feedback isn’t just tolerated. It’s welcomed — in both directions. Because therapy is at its best when it’s a dialogue, not a performance.
So if you have feedback, bring it. And know that I might have some too. That’s where the good stuff lives.
At Safe Spaces Therapy Online, honesty is part of the containment. Feedback isn’t confrontation — it’s connection.
