Finding Balance When Feelings Rise
Your interbody language
Emotions aren’t problems to be fixed — they’re signals.
Anger, sadness, fear, joy — each carries information about what matters to us.
But when those signals become overwhelming or unpredictable, it’s easy to feel swept away.
That’s where emotional regulation and language come in — learning to notice, pause, and respond in ways that restore balance. You don’t need to control emotions — just create space to choose your response.
At a glance
- Emotional regulation isn’t about suppressing feelings — it’s about recognising, pausing, and responding instead of reacting.
- Language shapes emotion: gentler words help lower intensity and bring perspective.
- Small shifts — like breathing, naming emotions, or changing wording — can calm the body’s stress response.
- Therapy can help you explore emotional triggers safely and learn strategies to steady your mind and body.
What Emotional Regulation Really Means
Emotional regulation isn’t about controlling feelings. It’s about recognising them early, pausing before reacting, and choosing how to respond rather than being carried away.
Think of it like learning to ride a wave instead of being dragged under by it. You can’t stop the wave from coming — but you can decide how to meet it.
Regulation means:
- Noticing when emotions are rising.
- Pausing before reacting.
- Choosing how to respond, even when things feel intense.
Therapy often helps people learn this skill by slowing things down. Sometimes that means naming what’s really going on beneath the emotion — frustration might actually be fear; sadness might hide exhaustion. When we name it, we start to work with it.
Why Language Matters
Language shapes emotion more than we realise.
When emotions run high, it can feel impossible to slow them down. But the words we choose either hold the fire — or help cool it.
Saying “I’m furious” hits differently in your body than “I’m annoyed.” Both express truth, but one carries heat, while the other starts to soften it. Our brains respond quickly to words — stronger words trigger stronger reactions. Gentler ones help us step back.
This is the art of de-escalation: shifting from explosive emotion to calm awareness, one word at a time.
The Mood Meter, originally created at Yale as part of Permission to Feel, maps emotions by both energy and pleasantness. It shows not just the labels, but the steps in between. That’s where regulation happens — not in silencing emotion, but in softening it.
How to Practise Stepping Down
Imagine it as climbing down a ladder, one rung at a time.
- Notice the first word that comes to mind.
- Pause, breathe, and ask yourself if it’s still accurate.
- Choose the next step down — a gentler version that still tells the truth.
For example:
- “I’m furious.” → “I’m frustrated.”
- “Leave me alone.” → “I need space.”
- “Give me some space.” → “I need to rest.”
Each small shift lowers emotional charge. Words act like temperature dials — turning the heat down doesn’t erase the feeling, it just makes it easier to hold.
Changing our words doesn’t erase feelings — it gives us a different way to carry them.
Words have power – and they have default energy states – so just saying a word provokes an emotion in us, and sometimes, that short hand, just skips what we’re actually feeling.
Simple Tools for Everyday Regulation
Here’s some idea for some emotional regulation tools:
- Grounding techniques – Try the 5-4-3-2-1 technique or 4-7-8 breathing to steady your body’s stress response.
- Naming emotions – Instead of “I’m angry,” try “I feel angry because…” It slows the rush and invites understanding rather than reaction.
- Choosing different words – Words are powerful. Shifting from “I can’t cope” to “This feels hard right now” changes how the brain interprets the challenge — from hopelessness to possibility.
- Small resets – Step outside, stretch, sip water, or wash your hands. Physical resets support emotional ones; they remind the body safety is possible.
Why It Matters
When we learn to regulate emotions, we make space for clearer thinking, calmer choices, and deeper connection with others. Regulation strengthens self-trust — the quiet confidence that even when emotions rise, we can meet them without losing ourselves.
Therapy can be a safe place to explore these patterns. It’s not about avoiding feelings, but practising new ways to understand and express them — especially when they feel “too much” or hard to articulate.
Over time, you’ll find that language and emotion begin to cooperate rather than collide.
Try It for Yourself
Next time you feel an emotion rising, try this:
- Pause and name what you feel.
- Check the intensity — how hot or heavy is it?
- Choose one word that’s slightly softer, truer, or gentler.
- Notice how your body responds.
Small shifts like this create more than calm — they build emotional literacy, compassion, and space for change.
You don’t have to get emotional regulation perfect. You just need to notice when something is rising, and remember you have choices — in your breath, your words, and your response.
That’s where real balance begins: in the pause between what you feel and what you do next.
