Energy, Capacity, and the Balance Between Draining and Restoring
“keep pushing,” “power through,” “find your motivation.”
We talk about energy as if it’s limitless — “keep pushing,” “power through,” “find your motivation.” But the truth is, energy isn’t static. It’s a living system — emotional, physical, and mental.
Some days you wake up charged and ready. Others, you feel like your battery drained overnight before you’ve even started.
That doesn’t mean you’re lazy or broken. It means you’re human.
We all live with a kind of inner battery. How long it lasts, how quickly it drains, and how easily it recharges depends on everything from sleep and diet to emotional load, sensory input, and stress. For some, it’s naturally higher; for others, it fluctuates or takes longer to rebuild.
And — as we grow, change, or face new demands — that battery may not hold charge like it used to.
That’s not failure. It’s life reminding you that your pace, environment, and needs have shifted.
At a glance
- Energy isn’t endless — it fluctuates with your body, mind, and environment.
- Some things fill you up; others quietly drain you.
- Spoon Theory helps us understand capacity —uses spoons to show how much energy someone has in a day. Each spoon equals one unit of effort.
- If you start with 12 spoons, getting dressed might cost one, a doctor’s visit six — leaving little for the rest of the day. You can “borrow” from tomorrow, but that means waking up already exhausted.
- It’s a simple way to explain why people with chronic illness or fatigue must pace themselves — because every spoon counts.
- Your “battery health” changes over time — and that’s okay.
- Sometimes the most restorative thing you can do isn’t recharge — it’s unplug completely.
The Energy Economy
Think of your day like a spending plan. You start with a certain balance of energy, and everything you do either spends or restores it.
Energy takers aren’t all “bad.” Work, caring for others, and even creative passion can be draining. The issue isn’t the activity — it’s the ratio. If outflow exceeds inflow, burnout follows.
That’s where the “energy takers vs energy givers” mindset helps.
You might notice how some things:
Quietly deplete you:
- constant notifications,
- messy environments,
- people-pleasing,
- overthinking,
- too many screens.
Help you refuel:
- sunlight, movement, hydration,
- deep breaths,
- music, connection, laughter.
For neurodivergent people, there’s often an extra layer — sensory input, decision fatigue, or hyperfocus can cause power surges and crashes. What seems “restful” to someone else might not restore you at all.
That’s why energy awareness needs personal translation. Your battery isn’t a factory model; it’s bespoke.
Understanding Spoon Theory
Spoon Theory — created by Christine Miserandino — describes what it’s like to live with limited or fluctuating energy. Each “spoon” represents a unit of effort.
If you wake up with ten spoons, making breakfast might cost one, commuting two, socialising three. Once the spoons are gone, they’re gone — no hidden reserve. For many people living with chronic illness, trauma, or neurodiversity, this framework helps explain why simple tasks can feel impossible some days, and effortless on others.
But Spoon Theory isn’t only for illness — it’s for awareness. It teaches us to ask:
- How many spoons do I have today?
- What truly deserves them?
- What can wait until I’ve recharged?
It’s not self-limiting. It’s self-honouring.
The Changing Battery
There’s a myth that self-care “fixes” energy depletion. But you can do everything right — sleep, exercise, eat well — and still feel empty.
That’s because battery health changes over time. Just like your phone, it might hold less charge the older it gets, or drain faster under heavy use. Trauma, grief, caregiving, or neurodivergent burnout can all affect how your system holds energy.
Sometimes the kindest thing you can do is accept that reality — not fight it. Maybe your capacity used to be 90%. Right now, it’s 60%. That’s okay. The goal isn’t to perform at old levels; it’s to work with the battery you have now.
Sometimes your battery doesn’t hold charge like it used to — that’s not failure, that’s life reminding you to plug in differently.
When you think about your phone – when you first buy it – the phone works brilliantly, in time with adding more apps, and relying it on it more, it might need additional topping up, or the charge doesn’t last as long – and our bodies internal reserves are the same.
Unplugging Entirely
Recharge doesn’t always mean adding more in. Sometimes, you need to disconnect completely — from screens, noise, responsibilities, even people — and allow yourself to decharge.
It’s the same principle as power cycling a computer. You switch it off so it can reset. Rest isn’t the absence of effort; it’s an essential system reboot.
For some, that might mean a quiet day at home. For others, time in nature, listening to music, or doing something mindless and soothing. What matters is permission — to step away before you burn out, not after.
“You can’t pour from an empty cup — but you also don’t need to prove how long you can hold it before refilling.”
Therapy and Energy Awareness
In therapy, conversations about burnout or fatigue often turn out to be conversations about boundaries, permission, and unmet needs.
Clients describe feeling guilty for resting or stopping, because somewhere along the line they were taught that recovery equals weakness.
Therapy helps you map your personal energy patterns — when you thrive, when you fade, and what drains you most.
It’s not about controlling every factor, but about recognising choice. You can’t stop the world from being demanding — but you can decide how much access it has to your internal battery.
This kind of awareness often creates small but powerful change. You stop forcing the battery to last forever, and start listening when it warns you it’s running low.
Bringing It All Together
Energy isn’t just about stamina. It’s about self-connection. Your nervous system, emotions, and focus are all part of one ecosystem. When one runs low, the rest follow.
Learning to read your own signals — the low-battery warnings — is part of emotional regulation and resilience. You’re not fragile for needing rest; you’re human for recognising it.
So before you push yourself one more time, stop and ask:
How full is my battery today?
And if it’s close to empty — maybe it’s time to unplug, breathe, and start again tomorrow.
