Think of grief not as a single stream, but a flowing pendulum.
While the 7 Stages model is well known, many find it too rigid and it was originally from palliative care, so was more about acceptance of death. Whilst In the late 1990s, Margaret Stroebe and Henk Schut developed the Dual Process Model to better reflect how people actually grieve after a loss.
Instead of stages in order, this model sees grief as an oscillation — moving back and forth between two orientations:
- Loss Orientation – focusing on the pain: memories, longing, sadness, anger.
- Restoration Orientation – focusing on rebuilding: daily tasks, new roles, adapting to life changes.
Most people naturally swing between these two. One day may be heavy with tears, the next filled with distractions or chores. Neither is “right” or “wrong” — both are part of the process.
Why It Matters
The Dual Process Model reminds us that grief is messy and cyclical, not linear. Moving between loss and restoration isn’t avoidance — it’s healthy adjustment. It’s the difference between crying one day, then doing the laundry the next — both are grief. You are not looking for closure, but learning to live with the change, and the new reality.
Grief is not about moving on. It’s about moving between — loss and living, past and present.
It’s the transitional period between what has been before, to the death, and then acceptance of the situation, and of course with our emotions involved, it’s very contextual.
Therapy and Support
Therapy can support both orientations: offering a safe space to express grief, while also helping you adapt to the practical and emotional shifts that follow loss. There’s no perfect rhythm — only your rhythm.
