Body Image, Shame & Self‑Belief
how we see ourselves
When we talk about how we feel in our bodies, it’s rarely just about the mirror or physical shape. It’s about how we believe we’re seen — and how we see ourselves. For many people, that story comes wrapped in shame, low self-esteem, and a nagging sense of “I’m not enough.”
Finishing therapy, building confidence, or even just navigating daily life can bring these feelings into focus. Recognising them is the first step toward understanding — and softening — the harsh internal voice that critiques your body.
At a glance
- Body shame and low self-esteem often reinforce each other in loops.
- Social and cultural pressures amplify internalised criticism.
- Body dissatisfaction affects confidence, self-perception, and overall wellbeing.
- Therapy and reflection offer tools to gently reframe, build resilience, and reconnect with identity beyond appearance.
It’s not about fixing your body; it’s about cultivating kindness toward yourself.
This subtle shift makes room for growth, self-compassion, and confidence in everyday life.
The Shame‑Self‑Esteem Loop
Shame around our bodies is more common than you might think. Persistent messages — from childhood comments, media ideals, or social comparison — can get internalised. What starts as an external pressure becomes an internal critic.
That critic doesn’t just whisper. It loops. “I should look different.” “If only I were thinner, more muscular, more [insert ideal].” And if those thoughts are constant, they can erode how you feel about yourself. Low self-esteem isn’t just a by-product — it becomes part of the cycle that fuels body dissatisfaction.
When It Becomes More Than Discomfort
Not everyone experiences body-image distress to the point of diagnosis. But when it does reach a clinical level — like in body dysmorphic disorder (BDD) — it can significantly disrupt daily life. BDD involves being preoccupied with perceived flaws (often small or invisible to others), and that preoccupation can interfere with work, relationships, and wellbeing.
Even without a diagnosis, body dissatisfaction is strongly associated with depression, anxiety, low self-worth, and other forms of psychological distress. Recognising the emotional impact is vital — it’s not “just vanity” or something to ignore.
Why the Pressure Feels So Big
A lot of that internal shame comes from external messages. Social media, narrow beauty ideals, and even family or peer feedback all reinforce a standard that feels unattainable.
It’s not just the “big” stuff (weight, shape) either — smaller things like scars, skin texture, or hair can carry emotional weight. Once you internalise a message that your body is “wrong,” that belief can stick, regardless of how your body functions or looks.
The internet is a double-edged sword when it comes to body image. On one hand, it exposes us to a wider spectrum of appearances and experiences, normalising diversity in ways traditional media never could. On the other, the same platforms amplify extremes and disinhibition, showing us raw, unfiltered behaviours, comparisons, and provocative imagery constantly. This constant visibility can make it harder to escape self-judgement, fuel insecurity, and intensify shame loops — which is why mindful engagement, curated feeds, and digital boundaries are as crucial as self-compassion and reflection.
Rewiring the Narrative: What Helps
So, how do you start to build a more gentle, realistic relationship with your body? Here are some ideas:
- Name the shame: Recognise the internal critic and separate you from that voice.
- Practice self-compassion: Respond to self-critical thoughts like you would to a good friend.
- Challenge internalised ideals: Ask whose ideal this is, and whether it’s realistic.
- Reflect: Journaling or writing exercises can help explore how body image connects to self-worth.
- Build self-esteem beyond appearance: Reconnect with values, strengths, and relationships.
- Seek supportive connection: Talking with friends, therapists, or communities can weaken shame, which thrives in secrecy.
Identity, Confidence, and Growth
Body image is tightly linked to identity. How we feel in our bodies often shapes how we experience the world and how confident we feel engaging with it. By gently reframing self-perception, we’re not just changing how we see our bodies — we’re changing how we relate to ourselves.
Recognising the stories we’ve internalised and stepping outside cycles of shame isn’t instant, but it’s powerful. Every small act of self-kindness, reflection, or reframing builds resilience and self-belief.
Every small act of self-compassion rewires how you relate to yourself.
Noticing and responding to the internal critic slowly changes the shame loops that hold us back.
Looking Ahead
Even if body image challenges linger, the strategies and insights you’ve developed — in therapy or in self-reflection — are tools you can carry forward. Therapy and resources are there if you need a tune-up, but the real growth is in noticing patterns, practising self-compassion, and reconnecting with identity beyond appearance.
It’s not about “fixing” your body; it’s about cultivating kindness toward yourself, recognising your worth, and stepping into your confidence.
