The power of Questions
Questions are often seen as the best way to support someone. And yes — the right question at the right time can open doors. But not every question helps. Sometimes, questions can leave us feeling smaller.
Think of a moment when you shared something heavy, and the response was: “Yes, but have you tried…?” Instead of feeling held, you may have felt rushed, as though your words weren’t enough.
“Not every question opens a door. Some close it too quickly.”
Why Questions Could Hurt
Here are a few ways questions can unintentionally cause harm:
- Timing matters – A question asked too soon can feel dismissive.
- Not all questions validate – Some feel like a challenge, not an invitation.
- Presence is powerful – Sometimes the best response is silence and acknowledgement.
Open vs. Closed Questions
Questions also differ in how they shape your answer:
Closed questions (yes/no, facts) — useful in crisis, but limiting in reflection.
Open questions (“How did that feel?” / “What was that like for you?”) — create space, with no “right” answer.
Open questions invite you to explore. Closed ones collect information. Both have their place, but in moments of vulnerability, open questions often feel safer.
“Closed questions give facts. Open questions give space.”
What Can Help
If questions sometimes leave you feeling smaller, these practices may support you:
- Notice your reaction. If a question makes you shrink, it may not be the right one for now.
- Pause before answering. You don’t owe anyone an instant response.
- Seek spaces of presence. Value relationships where silence and reflection are welcome.
Questions — and the Space Between Them
Therapy often works through careful questions — but also through silence. A therapist might ask an open question, then sit with you in the pause. The waiting is as important as the words. That pause tells you: what you’ve already said matters.
