Grief isn’t linear
The idea of “stages of grief” comes from Elisabeth Kübler-Ross’s work with people facing terminal illness. Originally, it described how people process their own mortality. The Kübler-Ross Stages were meant to help the dying find peace. They weren’t a rulebook for those who are left behind. Over time though, the model has been applied more widely to grief and loss, offering a language to describe patterns of feeling that many people recognise.
It’s important to remember: grief isn’t a straight line. These stages are not rules, but common experiences. You might not encounter all of them, or you might move back and forth in no set order.
The Stages
You can have a look at the stages below,
Shock & Denial
Numbness, disbelief, or feeling detached. A way of protecting yourself from being overwhelmed
Pain & Guilt
Sadness mixed with “what ifs” or self-blame, even when undeserved.
Anger & Bargaining
Frustration, searching for reasons, or thoughts of “if only.”
Depression
A heavy, quiet stage where life can feel flat or meaningless.
The Upward Turn
Gradual easing, with glimpses of lighter moments.
Reconstruction
Slowly rebuilding life, shaping new routines or roles.
Acceptance & Hope
Not forgetting, but learning to carry grief while living forward.
The stages are not about moving on. They’re about accepting grief as part of life, in your own time and way.
Beyond the Stages
While many find comfort in this framework, grief is often more complicated than a sequence of stages. Feelings can ebb, flow, and return unexpectedly. This model can be comforting, but if it feels too rigid for you, that’s okay — grief rarely fits a neat timeline.
Some people find the dual process model of grief more helpful, which recognises that we naturally shift between:
- Loss-oriented experiences – sadness, anger, yearning.
- Restoration-oriented tasks – adjusting to new routines, responsibilities, or identities.
This sees grief as an ongoing rhythm rather than a straight path — and makes space for both pain and healing.
Therapy and Support
If you recognise yourself in one or more of these stages, it doesn’t mean you’re “doing it wrong.” Therapy provides a safe place to explore where you are, to honour your experience, and to move toward acceptance at your own pace.
